Dr. Bob's minions tire away endlessly to help the good Doctor in the name of science,
but with what little downtime they get they would like to share with you fine people!
Celluloid
An adventure featuring the cast and friends of Midnight Monster Movies with Dr. Bob
It was a special night for Hawaii. Dr. Bob was having a mystery movie that was rumored to be the most difficult movie to find in the world. It was so obscure that no one was sure of its exact title, only that it was some combination of Lost, Planet, Menace and Phantom. Hawaii was the nickname for one for Dr. Bobs’ regular patrons because he always vacationed in the 50th state. But that did not keep him from attending EVERY show of the Midnight Monster Movie Series. He really hoped that it was true because the movie (Lost Menace of the Phantom Planet?) was also rumored to be cursed somehow, having been finished by the director with help from a demon!
Getting his ticket, drink and concessions, Hawaii headed in to the Gateway Theater showing the movie (Planet of the Lost Phantom Menace?) and settled down in his favorite seat for the show. It would be a show he would never forget!
Dr. Bob popped out of his lab as usual and welcomed his fans and movie going public with the news that he had indeed scored the most difficult movie in M3wDB history! Dr. Bob was going to show the infamous and rarely seen Phantom of the Lost Planet Menace! Or something like that as nobody was sure what the exact title was except Projector Guy!
"Hey Projector Guy, what is the title exactly?"
But there was only silence from the booth. Dr. Bob sent his stooge- I mean roadie- Catman up to check what was going on and all he heard was a horrible caterwaul as Catman came running back down screaming that there was blood everywhere!! Everywhere! He ran out the door and past other theater patrons before bolting out the front doors in terror. His assistant Skully, ran after him to find out what he saw, but she never came back either!
Now duly concerned, Dr. Bob, and the audience, suddenly heard a booming, sententious voice blasting from the speakers, drowning out all conversation!
“BEHOLD, FOR I AM THE MIGHTY OZMYANDROGORMOGONIC, MASTER OF THE MYSTIC REALMS, DESTROYER OF DALEKS, ALLAH OF ALLITERATION, RULER OF REALITY, SUPREMO OF SPACE, EMPEROR OF EVERYTHING, TITAN OF TIME-!!!”
“Excuse me, “ interruptedDr. Bob,
“MIGHTY MAGE OF ALL MATTER, LORD OF THE LIVING”-
“HEY! If I could interrupt! “ yelled Dr. Bob
“SULTAN OF SUPERIORITY- WHAT? WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT THE MOST MAGNIFICENT OZMYANDROGORMOGONIC?”
“Hi, I am Dr. Bob Tesla, I am the host of this show tonight and I was just wondering how much longer you were going to be?”
“WELL, I DO NOT KNOW, IT USUALLY TAKES A FEW DAYS TO GET THROUGH ALL THE TITLES IF I WANT TO BE FORMAL. WHY?”
“Because we only have this theater for a few hours at the most and I was hoping to call you something a little shorter than “Ozzymandrogorricicon”
“THAT IS OZMYANDRO-!”
“Yeah, see, we don’t really have time for all of this. I know, how about we call you the Voice of Doom, since you are so loud and all. I mean, come on, we still have a movie to show and raffles to run ”
“NEVER!! I AM INSULTED YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT. BUT I MAY ACCEPT THAT IF YOU REFER TO ME AS THE VOICE OF DOOM’
“Fine, you are THE VOICE OF DOOM. Happy? Because we have a show to put on, you know?”
Suddenly, after taking in the exchange, Nurse Feratu could hold her tongue no longer. “Be careful Dr. Bob!! We have no idea what it is capable of or even what it wants!”
“IT IS WELL THE MORTAL FEMALE SPOKE FOR YOU HAVE INDEED ENDANGERED NOT ONLY YOURSELF, BUT ALL THE DENIZENS OF THIS THEATER! THIS FILM IS CURSED (BY ME) SO THAT ANY WHO SHOW IT ARE DOOMED TO BECOME PART OF IT!”
“I guess that explains why it was so hard to find” muttered Dr. Bob. “and maybe why I could not find anybody that could tell me more about it…..”
Just then Dr. Rick Edison charged in!
“Hello Dick” said Dr. Bob in his trademark sneer.
“It’s Rick! “ bellowed Dr. Edison.
“I know what your name is Edison! What have you done now?”
“YES, WE ALL KNOW YOUR NAME- DICK!!” added THE VOICE OF DOOM.
“I found out about this cursed celluloid and knew I could make you think it was your idea to show it! And you have fallen into my trap! Now, I can finally take over the show and run it the way I want to!”
“EH-HEM, EXCUSE ME,” yelled THE VOICE OF DOOM.
“You will never best me Edison, haven’t you learned that yet?”
“But I have never had such a powerful ally before- and it’s DOCTOR Edison!!”
“Honorary-“
“I SAID EXCUSE ME!”
“Honorary, schmonorary, it still counts!”
“SILENCE MORTALS, THE VOICE OF DOOM SPEAKS!!!’ it yelled in 22 point type.
The now thoroughly cowed verbal combatants stopped arguing and looked at the general source of THE VOICE, which seemed to come from the very air itself.
“IF YOU FOOLISH MORTALS ARE THROUGH WITH YOUR JUVENILE PRATTLE, I HAVE WORK TO DO. FOR SHOWING MY MOVIE DR BOB, YOU ARE HEREBY DOOMED TO BE PART OF IT- FOR ETERNITY! AND YOUR FOOLISH NURSE AND IMBECILIC IGOR WILL JOIN YOU!”
“AS FOR YOU EDISON-‘
“That’s Doctor-“
“DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK MORTAL! I HAVE STILL TO DECIDE YOUR FATE!”
“Fine, once those three are gone I will be free to run the show the Right Way!”
Suddenly, Kitty-gor interrupted the argument too!
“You know what? I ain’t stupid, I ain’t expendable, and I dang sure ain’t wearing a RED SHIRT!. I ain’t going!”
With that Kitty-gor flounced down the aisle and left everyone (including THE VOICE OF DOOM) standing agape in surprise.
“WELL, NOW THAT WE HAVE SETTLED THAT, I BELIEVE I SHALL LET THE IGOR LIVE JUST FOR BEING SMART ENOUGH TO LEAVE WHEN THE GETTING WAS GOOD. BUT AS FOR YOU, DR BOB, AND YOUR NURSE- GOODBYE!!!!”
With that, there was a flash of light and smoke and Dr. Bob and Nurse Feratu disappeared from the stage, only to reappear moments later on the screen. Looking stunned and frightened, they stood up as they tried to acclimate themselves to their celluloid surroundings. It was difficult at first because the movie had swallowed many victims in its existence and they all had affected it to a degree.
The current scene they materialized in was an office with an off screen voice telling the audience to scream! Scream! Scream to free yourself! Immediately, Nurse Feratu got excited as she recognized the movie and wanted to meet her favorite actor ever- Vincent Price! But before she could, Dr. Bob pulled them off screen. A disappointed Nurse demanded to know why Dr. Bob had kept her from meeting her idol!
“I had to Nurse, don’t you realize that if we stay in a particular scene too long, we may be stuck in it forever?”
“For him, it might be worth it” the Nurse sighed as Dr. Bob led her through the movie. Suddenly there were loud booms and deep vibrations. “It must be a Michael Bay scene coming up, there are so many explosions! We need to find some kind of shelter!”
“But where can we hide, Dr. Bob? The scenes are changing faster than we can run!”
That was proved as the scene suddenly shifted to a space movie and laser weapons were being fired everywhere and neither had any idea who the good guys were! Luckily it shifted to a Kubrick scene just as quickly, so they had a chance to rest and think.
While all this was going on the movie screen, Dr. Rick Edison tried to consolidate his new found “property”. He had quickly hacked the console to isolate Nikola from helping Dr. Bob or Nurse Feratu and disabled all of Teslas security systems. After verifying that Tesla and Feratu were indeed out of the picture (or in it, so to speak), Dr. Edison turned to his cohort…….
“So, now that we have taken care of the riffraff, what do you want to do now, Voice of Doom?”
“THAT IS THE VOICE OF DOOM, YOU IGNORANT MORTAL!’
“Yeah, well I don’t want to go through all that guacamole with my ally..."
“ SILENCE FOOL!!! WE ARE NOT BUDDIES, WE ARE NOT FRIENDS AND WE ARE CERTAINLY NOT ALLIES. AND BEFORE THIS MOVIE IS OVER, YOU WILL REGRET EVER KNOWING OF ME!”
“I already regret it…” muttered a suddenly concerned Edison
“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!”
“Nothing, nothing.Just clearing my throat. But do you think, since we ARE on the same side, that I could call you something shorter? I know! How about I call you Ozzy for short? Or even better, how about Oz?”
“I HAVE NEVER BEHELD SUCH INSOLENCE FROM A MORTAL! FOR SHOWING ME SUCH DISRESPECT, I BANISH YOU TO THE CELLULOID PRISON AS WELL!”
“But I-“was all Dr Edison could get out before he was also zapped into film purgatory. He found himself in a deep sea scene, only without a helmet! Luckily he was able to make it to the conveniently plotted u-boat, which rescued him. For now.
THE VOICE OF DOOM then addressed the audience, with a generous amount of smugness and condescension in its voice.
“YOU MORTALS CAN NOW BEAR WITNESS TO MY VICTORY! I HAVE RID MYSELF OF ALL WHO OPPOSED ME AND I WILL NOW CLAIM MY REWARDS. WHILE I AM DOING THAT, YOU MAY ENJOY WATCHING WITH ME AS THE MOVIE DEVOURS ANOTHER VICTIM AND I GROW EVER STRONGER! THEY DO HAVE ORGANIC POPCORN HERE, DO THEY NOT?”
Hawaii assured it that the concession stand did indeed have organic popcorn but wondered what was real and what was part of the show. He had never known the M3wDB show to be so …… involved before.
Meanwhile Dr. Boband Nurse Feratu had materialized in a westernand were facing a masked villain in a shootout on Main St!
“What will we do, Dr. Bob? Neither one of has experience in gunfights?”
“Don’t worry Nurse, I am sure that we will be fine, after all, it IS only a movie.”
“REALLY DR BOB, DID YOU THINK IT WAS THAT SIMPLE? IF YOU GET HURT OR MAIMED OR EVEN –DARE I SAY IT- KILLED IN THE MOVIE, YOU WILL SUFFER THE SAME FATE IN REAL LIFE!”
Which was unfortunate because that was when the gunfighter drew his gun and shot Dr. Bob point blank! Dr. Bob looked down at his bleeding midsection, fell back into Nurse Feratu's arms and said what may be his dying words….
“But it’s my show, I’m not supposed to die……"
Previously on Minion Musings...